Am I guilty?

I have the anxiety attack, again.

Now, it's getting worse.
My heart beats very weakly, I suffocated.
Out of worrisome, I cried.
Last night, I cried so much for hours.

What if I actually have a disease
that won't allow me to live for long?
What if last night, I thought, was my last night living?

If my parents found out about me having
anxiety again, they'd sure be very worried.
Mom just cried to me the last time I called her
because she just watched a movie,
apparently, the girl in the movie,
who studied abroad, was found dead in an accident.
She's begging me to take a great care of myself.

I was thinking if last night was my last night ever,
am I guilty?
Am I guilty of making my parents sad?
Am I guilty of not being part of someone's life anymore?
Am I guilty of not being part of someone's future like I promise to?
Am I guilty?

But to live is not a right like a human being possesses.
It's definitely a gift from God that human needs to treasure more.

Alhamdulillah, I'm given another day to live.
As for now,
I think I should start living my life to the fullest and need to start having a bucket list.