I'm not alone

I spent so much time yesterday

and today crying.

I cried so much,

it's not that I don't put my trust in God,

but crying is an expression

that I'd do to make me feel that

it's okay.

I'll be fine.

Around noon,

I had to make my way to the lab because

I still have unsettled lab assignment that's due soon

and more assignments need to be completed.

I deactivated my facebook

just because I wanted to be away from it for awhile.

When tokabah was sick,

there are so many emotional stuff going on in the family,

that I just don't want to feel connected to things that

would make me feel sadder.

I just wanted to stay by myself,

but I realized,

well actually,

I'm not alone in this.

My roommates were being so thoughtful

and they gave me chocolates and cooked for me

to make me feel better.

My parents always check on me because of they

know how close I am to tokabah.

My best friends would check on me too,

they would be asking me to go eat with them

to distract my attention.

And little did I know,

some of them truly understand what I feel

because they too have family members who

face the same disease.

Pan is always there for me too.

I admit my flaws,

I don't like talking to people

when I'm sad.

I just want to be alone,

so I tend to push everyone away

and talk about it later when

I know I won't break down talking about this.

Pushing everyone away; no I know I shouldn't be doing that.

But all I need is time,

I need time to heal my pain.

I push Pan away,

but little did I know,

I almost forgot about the day we first met.

It was yesterday,

March 5.

6 years ago,

March 5, 2012

we're just strangers,

having our first conversation.

Today,

he's one of my strongest support systems,

who always has faith in me,

believes in me,

and knows me so well.

Love comes in a mysterious way,

but unlike flowers that live according to seasons,

I hope my love for the people I care,

would always grow and never die.